by Not long ago, it was common for companies to welcome their employees with flowers on International Women’s Day. If it was a red rose, so much the better. And the memory was usually accompanied by a small note: “Congratulations, woman, on your day.” Colleagues said congratulations, some questioned the lack of a “men’s day”. The women smiled, albeit with a weak smile, a little embarrassed.
It may sound strange to be complimented on something purely biological (in the case of cis women). Or imagine congratulating a man for being… a man? We can praise individual qualities, attitudes, of men and women, but they are unlikely to be linked in any way to gender.
The tokenism (and cliché) that exists in the face of so many and so serious problems facing women also causes a certain discomfort — whether in the world of work or in society. Even more troubling than disparities in wages, opportunities for promotion and the division of household duties are violence, less access to education and health, and the denial, in some countries, of basic rights such as coming and going without the guardianship of a man.
reproduction
The problems are many and varied, but if they are solved, everyone benefits. A PÚBLICO report showed, for example, that reducing inequality would increase not only women’s life expectancy, but also men’s.
The truth is, these days, that scene with the rose at work is considered funny — so much so that it even serves as sketch of Back door. Companies have realized that, more than a rose or a favor, women want extended maternity leave, equal pay and the same opportunities for career development, in a more family-friendly environment.
But, if in the corporate world it has already become somewhat clear – at least for the most aware companies – what works and what does not look so good on March 8, in personal life things are still a bit confused. How should we face International Women’s Day?
There are differences in approach among women themselves: there are those who praise how we are warriors and manage to do everything and a little more — even in high heels. Nothing against high heels (against them, only the Portuguese pavements), but I don’t think the date is to praise our ability in them.
It may be a bit of a grim sight, but in these rose-tinted self-congratulatory messages, we’ve missed two opportunities. The first is to remember all that we have walked (with and without jumps) to get here — and be able to vote, study, work, in addition to raising children — and the second is to talk about the problems that still to exist and ask for help. That’s why other women, myself included, would prefer to receive other types of messages.
Dating also causes various reactions in men. Some continue to send congratulations, even with flowers (albeit virtual), like the companies of the 1990s. But, especially in recent years, I’ve noticed a growing choice for silence. In some, I sense a certain dissatisfaction with the date — in these cases, it’s hard to argue with the need, even today, to have a day to highlight gender inequality. In others, I sense a certain bewilderment, a doubt about what to do. And this text is for them.
They know something is wrong. Realize you can’t send one “Congratulations“ pure and simple, pink. They also don’t think it’s quite right to wish a “happy women’s day” because, on a day that speaks of kinship, one woman’s suffering (and there are many who suffer in the world) is everyone’s suffering. Some even understand that having more equality helps men themselves break out of stereotypical and outdated roles. They gain more freedom to express their feelings, build deeper loving relationships, and have a more balanced work-home life.
Many of these men may maintain a certain silence to make room for women to express themselves. And that is very, very welcome in a world where sources of information remain overwhelmingly male and white.
But if I could choose the best way for a man to express himself this March 8, my suggestion boils down to one simple sentence: “I want to listen, understand your point of view, and find out how I can help.” To which I would say, “Let’s learn together.”
Here’s the tip for next year — or, better yet, for every day.
The author writes in Brazilian Portuguese
