by The concept of infidelity has undergone changes over the years due to low consensus among the various authors who study the topic.
Traditionally, infidelity was associated with the occurrence of sexual relations outside the relationship, but it is currently considered to go beyond this, implying secrecy and violation/violation of the couple’s norms, values and principles.
Whether it is precise, when it happens only once, or constant when its practice is repeated, infidelity is one of the most terrifying and devastating experiences that anyone can go through.
Regardless of the type of infidelity, emotional, which consists of creating an emotional bond with a person outside the couple, which includes the exchange of personal information. or sexual, engaging in activities of a sexual nature, such as kissing and/or having sex with a person outside the couple; has a direct impact on the relationship and family and professional environment.
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The discovery of infidelity is a moment of crisis, but also critical for the relationship, as it involves the reorganization of expectations and roles, which will dictate the consequences of infidelity for the relationship and for each element per se.
There are many feelings, emotions and questions that arise, but the main one, why, why did he do what he did, why did the betrayal happen.
The literature leaves numerous clues, from low marital and/or sexual satisfaction, the presence and number of children, the desire to punish the partner, and certain personality traits. There are, for example, people who are unhappy most of the time and who have a greater need to feel adrenaline. They often find adrenaline in extramarital relationships in which there is an “escape” from routine and reality.
But is it possible to overcome a betrayal?
Yes. There are many cases in which overcoming infidelity can be accomplished successfully and even be a starting point for improving marital satisfaction and family well-being. It is important to take into account the details of the betrayal, what kind of betrayal it was, in what context, how it was discovered, as well as the personal characteristics (religion, ideals) of each member of the couple.
But for this to happen it is necessary for the couple to adopt measures that allow them to reduce emotional activation and gain some sense of stability and order. Often the support of a therapist can be a solution, if both agree and are motivated to develop a relationship after infidelity.
Expert help using scientifically studied strategies can have a very significant impact on dealing with infidelity and even enhance the redefinition of infidelity, resulting in a new, healthier and stable relationship.
I leave you with some tips for deciding what to do after a betrayal:
- Don’t make hasty decisions. I remind you that “hurry is the enemy of perfection” and acting on impulse does not improve your current situation. It may seem to ease the pain, but the relief is momentary. Avoid communicating with your partner in the very early stages of betrayal as feelings will be “too close to the surface” which can lead to more confusion and distress.
- Think about the individual consequences that the betrayal caused you, for example in terms of your self-esteem and the degree of trust in your partner. Identify what you are feeling and the impact it has had on you.
- Communicate directly with your partner about the betrayal, express how you feel, and listen to what they have to say. Don’t interrupt or try to make sense. First listen and then calmly draw your own conclusions.
- Take a break if needed. Take a vacation or spend a few days with family/friends to reduce emotional activation and rethink the relationship and betrayal.
- Consider whether continuing the relationship is healthy and functional. Evaluate whether you can forgive and trust your partner and build a new relationship. Assess whether you can do it with or without expert help.
- If you chose to forgive, focus on the present, as remembering past mistakes will not make them go away. Look for ways to reconnect, for example new activities that promote the development of familiarity and trust.
- Be patient, it’s important to give it time, reframing can take time. Keep in mind that when both parties are willing to build a new relationship and when resources are mobilized to do so, the relationship can become more durable and healthy.
To keep, choose not to be chosen and you are welcome to accept only half!
Think about it!
